Where C-SPAN is the local TV news
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| The Washington Canard Where C-SPAN is the local TV news |
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Tuesday, February 01, 2005
WISHING DEATH UPON PEOPLE I DON'T REALLY WISH DEATH UPON  This year I had the opportunity to join a celebrity dead pool sponsored by a former colleague at the Oregon Commentator. (And in case you think this is the sort of horribly mean-spirited game that guys do, this colleague is female.) You can follow our progress throughout the year at the blog she set up, Courtney's Celebrity Death Pool (we'll just have to agree to disagree over whether "dead" or "death" is the best term). The first relevant death occurred a weekend ago; my esteemed successor at the OC, Pete Hunt, made the great Johnny Carson one of his picks. (Speaking of Carson, have you ever seen the informercial for his greatest hits DVD collection? I watch the whole thing whenever I find it — it's great.) Anyway, my picks:I probably should point out that I actually do wish death upon Zarqawi. And I won't be too sorry when Pinochet goes, either.  The coup de grace, I'm pretty sure, is Manute Bol. I don't know if he'll actually go this year, but I bet he goes soon. The reasons are numerous: He is both very tall and very skinny — never a good combination. That puts a lot of strain on the heart. Think Kevin Peter "Harry and the Hendersons" Hall. Since his retirement, Bol has also put most of his fortune toward the Christian rebels in his native Sudan — for which the Islamic government there has on occasion held him hostage. Last year, he was in a death-defying car accident, and spent several weeks in the hospital. Add to that his polygamous marital status; how long before one of his wives gets jealous and stabs him? (Details here.)In short, don't get too attached to Manute Bol.
I got my hopes up a few weeks ago when Lady Bird went into the hospital. Nothing came of it (dang!) but it's a start, you know? The dead pool entrants listed above and below me at the dead pool's blog each chose both President Bush and Vice President Cheney to go this year, which leaves me a bit perplexed. I assume these cannot be serious guesses. Cheney himself would be a reasonable pick, what with the bad ticker and all. So these must be the picks of inveterate Bush-haters. But really, why waste one or two available picks on people who are very unlikely to miss January 1, 2006? Never underestimate the Bush-haters, I guess — or perhaps, the Denny Hastert-lovers. Here's a few (okay, more than a few) of my favorites from my fellow entrants' picks: Nearly everybody mentioned Pope John Paul II, just as everyone surely would have picked Ronald Reagan last year (had there been a last year). Only one person chose Osama bin Laden, which I assume would be unheard of on a list drawn up in late 2001. And only one other person beside me chose Zarqawi — who is presumably running around coordinating attacks, rather than (also presumably) hiding in a cave — and at least a couple picked Saddam Hussein. A few months ago I would have added the Butcher of Baghdad to my list, but from the sound of it the trial is still awhile off. Assuming I'm right about that, he's definitely on my list for 2006. |
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