CUBAN MISSIVE CRISIS

Boy, Deadspin called this one right. Here's Mavs owner Mark Cuban on what it was like in the locker room after last night's (this morning's, if you want to get technical) playoff loss to the Miami Heat:

(Warning: Contains "language." Also, "language usage errors.")

Last night in the locker room after we lost in overtime to the heat. I was asked by reporters to answer some questions. I told them i would if they asked good questions and didnt ask the same cliche’d questions they had asked after other games. It was interesting how quiet everyone got.

then someone asked “Is this your worst loss ever” . What the fuck kind of question is that ? Is this for a VH1 special ? “Worst Losses Ever ?” If it was, then maybe it was a decent question. Otherwise, how do you answer that question…

Let me think. Well we have never been to the finals before, and this is our most recent finals lost. The 3rd in a row. So that could make it the Mavs worst ever. There was a baseball game I played in where I hit the ball into the gap and some guy made a diving catch to end the game instead of me driving in the winning runs and winning the tournament. I cried in the dugout after that one. There have been some tough rugby losses. Am I supposed to get this reporter a thought out answer and catalog my past, or a catalog answer like “this was a tough one… yadda yadda, that sounds like every other answer ever given to this type of question after a lost game.

The reality is that it would be a waste of both of our time if i gave him the “this was a tough one” answer, and a waste of my time to really think about it. Particularly given there were 10 other reporters wanting to ask questions and we had a bus to catch

So I told the reporter to “Ask me a real fucking question”

Sounds like it was the Mavs' worst loss ever.

P.S. — In tangentially related news, I had the day off today — pictures may be along later — and after getting my passport arranged (I'll be in "Old Europe" for a week next month) I realized that I should have gotten rid of my worn-out sneakers when the soles started wearing away ... months ago. Fate smiled upon me, and on the next block I went into a shoe store and picked up a pair of Shaquille O'Neal-branded high tops.

Yes, I've forgiven Shaq for beating my Portland Trail Blazers in the 1999 Western Conference Finals, and for any other crushing blows that I've made a point of forgetting. I hate Kobe now — who knew then that Shaq would prove to be actually a pretty good guy, and Kobe would turn out to be actually pretty much not? And while I can live with either Miami or Dallas winning the series, it's easier to root for an underdog team of all-stars (some of them even likable!) than Dirk & The Nobodies.

But that isn't all there is to say about these shoes. For instance: They cost $32. And I found them at Payless Shoe Source. But that's not my problem — Shaq, don't call your agent. Fire him.

P.P.S. — And on behalf of a local sports franchise, take that, Yankees. And that. (Ryan Zimmerman, he's like our Dwayne Wade!) Best weekend the Nats have had — ever.

P.P.P.S. — And on behalf of a player from back home, will Kellen Clemens succeed where Joey Harrington, A.J. Feeley, Akili Smith, Tony Graziani, and so many others have not-quite-succeeded before? SI's Peter King all but promises it:

I think one of the interesting stories in training camp come August will be out of Jets practices, because QB Kellen Clemens, the team's second-round pick, appeared to be the most impressive quarterback at last weekend's minicamp. I can't wait to see what first-year coach Eric Mangini does if Clemens is clearly better than Patrick Ramsey and Chad Pennington by Week 3 of the preseason.

As a Redskins fan, I can say with some certainty that he will at least be clearly better than Patrick Ramsey.

P.P.P.P.S. — Just because I'm a friend of P, here's one more sports-related link: an oldie but a goodie from The Onion.

Update Way Too Late To Be Even Remotely Relevant — Way to go, Miami Heat. The Mavs were favored from the beginning, but in game 6 you went and broke with the prevailing trend of just winning only your home games. In retrospect, I find it easier to explain why I rooted for the Heat over the Mavs, despite my West coast beginnings and my respect for both teams:

1. Jerry Stackhouse, pretty much a waste when he was playing for the Wizards, does not have himself a championship ring.
2. Meanwhile, Alonzo Mourning does have one. To have been in the league for this long, to have returned from an ailment that would have ended the careers of ~99% of NBA players, to stick it out and be a good sport, for all that, Mourning deserved a ring more than anybody. Congratulations.
3. At long last, Oregon State's Gary Payton has one as well (although the Heat website lists his alma mater as "Oregan State"). I've never been big on GP, but hey, it was about time.
4. Also with a ring now: Derek Anderson, who was always a pleasure to have in Portland (at least when he wasn't injured).
5. So does Michael Doleac, and he's from Portland. (Didja know? Nobody seems to.)
6. Because Shaq is now officially an elder statesman of basketball. And a gracious one, who slid into a supporting role without complaint or commotion, making it possible for a guard not named Kobe to lead a team to the championship.
7. That younger player? Hells yeah. Because Dwayne Wade is the man. It's too soon to start with the Jordan references — one needs at least three rings before that's even negotiable — but he's already the equal or better of LeBron James. (Carmello who?)
8. An aside: If LeBron had Shaq instead of Zydrunas Ilgauskas, the championship would probably be his. But Wade would still be one of the most exciting players in the league.
9. Because after Dirk, Avery and Mark, there isn't a single person associated with the Dallas franchise that I like. I would say that I don't know anybody else, but obviously I do know Stackhouse. Sorry, guys, maybe I'll root for you once I find out more about you.
10. Because Pat Riley finally escapes the meme that he was a good coach who inherited a great Lakers team and never could put together a great team of his own. Sorry, Stan — Riley assembled this team and had every right to take control when he finally had the squad he wanted together.

I'll close this out the way I began, with a hat tip to Deadspin. Because if you haven't seen Pat Riley dance, you ain't seen nothing yet:

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posted by WWB at 6:35 PM |